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<title>A Way of Coping (and Never Really Existing in the First Place) by BlackIce_K1lls</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23475799">A Way of Coping (and Never Really Existing in the First Place)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackIce_K1lls/pseuds/BlackIce_K1lls'>BlackIce_K1lls</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Existentialism, Gen, Ishida is kinda like a fusion?, Ishida needs love, Ishimaru Kiyotaka as Ishida | Kiyondo, Its almost 3 AM, POV First Person, Srsly someone please figure out what Ishida is, i think</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:07:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>444</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23475799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackIce_K1lls/pseuds/BlackIce_K1lls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I wanna exist.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ishimaru Kiyotaka &amp; Oowada Mondo, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Way of Coping (and Never Really Existing in the First Place)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Look it's 2 in the morning and I got into danganronpa. Ishida needs love.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As long as this <em>body</em> lives, I exist.</p>
<p>As long as these <em><strong>souls</strong></em> stay together, I exist.</p>
<p>For as long as I can remember existing, I am just a coping mechanism. Just the unfortunate result of a friendship ruined. <strong>Yeah, think nothin’ of it!</strong> The circumstances are odd, yeah, for sure.</p>
<p>A killing game is responsible for <strike>his</strike> <strike>their</strike> <strike>our</strike> my existence. I don’t know how to feel ‘bout that. <em>I don’t wanna think about that.</em> This body, it wants to live but the dude inside already died. I don’t really wanna think ‘bout that.</p>
<p>I don’t wanna think at all. I want to live, exist, do things. But I am nothing but a mechanism of coping. His <strike>Their</strike> <strike>Our</strike> <strike>My</strike> chest burns with the passion of life only because of me and a computer. <strong>It feels euphoric.</strong> <em>It feels cathartic. <strong>It feels so right.</strong></em></p>
<p>It’s late and there’s a note. It screams suspicious but he doesn’t care. <strike>They don’t care. We don’t care. I don’t care.</strike> He goes anyway. <strike>They go anyway. We go anyway. I go anyway.</strike> <strong>It’s frustrating waiting.</strong> <em>It’s frustrating standing.</em></p>
<p>You gotta occupy your time while waiting. You have ta think. I don’t wanna think. I want to exist. Jus’ live y’know?. </p>
<p>But I think to most, I don’t really exist as myself. I am just a part. A facet. <em>Not one to think much of.</em> Expendable. Unimportant to much of anythin’. Maybe a joke? <strong>That’s cruel.</strong> I wanna live.</p>
<p>Crap, I’m thinking again. <em>I hate it.</em></p>
<p>Shit, I cursed. Fuck. Shit. </p>
<p>...</p>
<p>What’s the point of existing? No duh, <strike>him</strike> <strike>them</strike> <strike>us</strike> me existing was unintentional. I wasn’t supposed to be here. <strike>He’s</strike> <strike>They’re</strike> <strike>We’re</strike> I’m thinking again. Crap.</p>
<p><strong>It feels like a sauna in here.</strong> He’s thinking ‘bout him again. They can’t eat. We reject food. I can’t. Get over it and let him go! <strong>Well, fuck I wanna stay fucker!</strong> <em>Why would you want to?</em> <strong>Fuck you, that's why!</strong> I’m thinkin’ again.</p>
<p><em>The hell are they? </em><strong>No fuckin’ clue</strong>.</p>
<p><em>Passion’s gone.</em> <strong>WHY?</strong> <em>Died like a few days ago.</em> <strong>SINCE THAT?</strong> Fuck, WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY? <strike>He’s been waitin’! They’ve been waiting’! We’ve been waiting</strike>! I’ve been waiting! Fuck! <strike>He</strike> <strike>They</strike> <strike>We</strike> I might as well not be here!</p>
<p>Still…</p>
<p>For as long as I’ve existed, the boys named <em>Ishimaru Kiyotaka</em> and <strong>Mondo Oodawa</strong> were my soul. The former’s body being the only anchor. But if <strike>his</strike> <strike>their</strike> <strike>our</strike> my body were to die…</p>
<p>Then did I really exi-</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>The white hair faded back into black, stained with pink.</p>
<p>“I’ve been wonderin’, who was that?”</p>
<p>Taka’s eyes shifted, staring down his corpse. “I don’t quite know, myself.”</p>
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